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It’s hunting season and my hunter should be out hunting. And I should be in my jammies watching love movies eating pizza. But we’ve had rain. And after 3o some years of hunting, my hunter thinks he might melt. Or catch pneumonia. Or umm… I didn’t listen to the rest of the reasons.
My hunter is a Marine and up before the sun. Usually by 4:00 a.m. He jumps out of bed takes a shower, sings marine songs and gets things done. By 7:00 a.m. he is pacing the house trying to find something to do. Does he not realize his body is telling him it’s hunting season? Well he found that something in his recliner flipping channels finally snoring.
I was still in my pj’s and had just finished a pot of coffee myself feeling a bit hyper. I don’t know what got into me. The fall air. The fact that it’s hunting season. The fact that a fake deer has been my entertainment lately. So I headed outside, in my jammies and planted that deer right outside the living room window for when my hunter woke.
Oh no his antler is about to fall off. I didn’t do it.
And we wait.
Snoring.
And I wait. Maybe if I cough loud he’ll wake.
Snoring.
Maybe if I drop something on the kitchen floor.
Snoring.
Maybe if I knew how to use a grunt thingymajigger.
Snoring.
Oh no…
Deer down.
Mark, “What are you doing?”
“Umm, there’s a deer in the front yard and I think someone shot it.”
Mark, “What? Go put that back.”
“You’re no fun. You should be hunting. And I bet if you were out hunting you probably sit in your stand snoring the whole time.”
“Hi Mark. Did you catch a deer?”
“Nope. I didn’t see anything.”
“Well I wonder why?”
Have a good day all. I have to go fix an antler. And I think he might have fallen over cause I think I might have broke his leg when we tripped in the yard.
Hello 911 this is Mrs. Kravitz The crazy neighbor lady is out in her pajamas again running through the yard with a fake deer. Oh dear god, they just tumbled over.
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
I would love to hear that 911 tape. And I don’t blame him for not wanting to hunt. Hunting in the rain is horrible.
I love the post!
He should be duck hunting if he’s raining. What the heck is wrong with him?
My wife is threatening me with a ton of honey do items…you hubs is more than welcome to come here and help me…my fav line…go put that back…hahaha
That gave me a good laugh, thank you. It really sounds like what my wife would do.
And no, we don’t melt but………….
He just needs to start waterfowl hunting you do that when it’s raining and you deer hunt when its not. Oh… and then he could have a whole lot more fake animals around the house… like the geese in my attic
No this one was cute. After hearing the story over 140 characters in Twitter, it was nice to get the full story and some visuals!
We had to stop hunting because of rain too. If we hunted our rifles might rust and that would give my husband an excuse to get another rifle. We don’t need another rifle!!! I need more bling for the fingers!
Pssst Mark,
we have an asylum down here called Whitfield. I am sure they would take her in and give her plenty of shock treatments. Hey, they could give them all winter while you are hunting!
Good luck and you might want to sleep with one eye open.
Love it! I need to get one to put in the tree line and then tape my husband. Loads of fun!!!
You are so funny, Jody. I love your “Mrs. Kravitz” stories. I will ask the Rain Gods to let up on the rain so Mark can go hunting and you can relax before its too late!