A few years ago I had a garage sale. I didn’t want to have the garage sale because I normally give what I no longer need or want to family, friends or charity. But at the time everyone kept saying … Just have a garage sale … repeat … Just have a garage sale … So, I had the garage sale.
Thankfully my Mom and nieces were here to help. So we nicely separated my clothes, my husband’s clothes and the rest of the stuff throughout the garage. People came, went, bought, left empty handed, and by day’s end I decided …
I’ll never have another garage sale because:
Reason #1 The Prior Homeowner Tour
Lady showed up at my house only because she recognized the address in the paper and wanted to see the house because she lived here about 10 years ago. Of course the house wasn’t in order because I was having the GARAGE SALE. But being the nice current homeowner, I gave the tour and uncomfortably explained why it looked so different. Not that she had bad taste but … ick … wallpaper.
Reason #2 The Garage Sale Profits
All profits made that day were spent on appetizers, pizzas and drinks for all the party people now hanging out at my house because Jody took a day off work and let’s hang out at the garage sale.
Reason #3 The Garage Sale Sniffer
So there my Mom and I sat probably gossiping about the garage sale people. I can’t remember exactly but I can probably guarantee we were when in walks a girl that headed right for my husband’s clothes …
Garage Sale Girl: Is this your husband’s shirt?
Me: Yes. Those are all his clothes on that table. You need t-shirts? There’s a ton.
Sniff sniff sniff
What was that?
What in the hell was that?
That did not just happen.
Sniff sniff sniff
Okay, that seriously just happened!
She just sniff sniff sniffed my husband’s shirt.
So I quickly poked my Mom (who wears short shorts ~ my Mother) in the leg because that’s what you do to get someones attention when you want to point out someone that … umm… probably eats checkers.
And because my Mother only talks about people when they’re not in the same room … she said …
Are you kidding me?
So then I put my hand over my mouth and tried to whisper …
Girl sniff sniffer
And Sniffy Girl looked up at me, so I quickly said …
Did you want to buy some t-shirts?
No. Umm. That’s okay.
And she left.
And as soon as she was out of sight, I stood up flipping out to my Mother yelling …
DID YOU JUST NOT SEE WHAT SHE JUST FREAKING DID?
(Okay, I might have said the other “F” word because I was freaked the f out)
What in the heck was that? SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF Sniffing my husband’s shirt!
As I am now sniffing my husband’s shirt.
Is this normal garage sale behavior?
Sniff sniff sniffity sniff
What was that?
Thank gosh it isn’t appropriate to sell lingerie at a garage sale. Sniff sniff sniffing my lingerie.
Who does this?
WHO IN THE HELL DOES THIS?
It wasn’t a sniff like is this stinky sniff - It was a sniff sniff sniff ~ ooh la la yummy sniff.
WHAT THE HELL?
Were we selling checkers?
Did she buy them?
Was she eating them?
Who seriously does this?
And now I’m gonna have a nightmare.
Sniff sniff sniff ~ She wants to sniff my husband.
Where’s the vodka, please?
Have a good day all … and I’m still puzzled by this. And always keep my doors locked. And my husband isn’t allowed to wear cologne anymore. And I’ll never sniff him the same way I use to sniff him.