Whenever I write about myself it is never flattering. I am very open with all of my outdoor insecurities. You all are very aware of my outdoor attack I’d have the minute I’d step foot in the woods because I just know a squirrel would makes its way in my hair. Those kind of things do happen and I would end up on the news. My news story would never read, “Girl in Woods Gets 20 pt Buck” no, my news story would read “Girl in Woods Gets Squirrel Clawed”.
From the way I portray myself, I often wonder what some of you amazing outdoor women really think of me. Because we all know you could careless if I got a pedicure today with a cute little flower on my big toe. No, these women are flipping around the net reading about this one hog tied an elk, this one wrestled a gator, this one tackled a bear, or this one that lived in the woods for a year. And then there’s me…
I can only imagine some of the things they think or say about me:
Her hair really does look like a nice comfy squirrel’s nest.
That Hunter’s Wife has no business running an outdoor site, she might break a nail.
Good god women, it’s only a spider.
I’m sure she has tinkled at the gas station sometime in her life and those can be some nasty s#itters. So what’s so bad about the woods?
She’ll shoot her eye out.
A couple more cupcakes and she will tip the boat over.
With all that whiskey, she will fall in the campfire.
Would you pull up your big girl camouflage granny panties already.
And she probably really does wear grannies.
I think I need to make a list of things I need to start experiencing before I attempt to meet any of these outdoor women.
Have a good day all…I’m off to complete #1 on my list…I need to go find me a tinkle tree.
Let’s hope “Girl Tinkling in Woods” isn’t tomorrow’s headline.
P.S. – I did a guest post at Surf and Sheds about Wendy’s son’s first deer.
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
I have a nice squirrel story myself….nice relaxing camping trip…..napping with my 2month old baby in the tent (that’s a whole other story)…….and what a treat……one ran up my leg and as I screamed he ran round and round the tent in fear of never finding a way out…….I don’t know who was more afraid… thank goodness for wine on that trip……. who cares if it was 9 am……. a girl has gots ta do what a girl has gots ta do….
PS….. Grannie panties can be very comfy at times….Wear them with pride girl……LOL.. I like the idea of camoflage panties…….might hide how BIG my butt is……
Mommas Soapbox, See squirrels do attack! And luv me some grannies…just don’t tell my husband.
No worries girl……I got your back……It will be our little secret…… LOL
Don’t 4-get Jody we have a friend in the “Squirrel Kingdom” on Twitter, Mr. @Common_Squirrel! I will dress him up as a “critter sheriff” and make him watch out for you while you are in the woods! LOL!
Too funny! Camouflage granny panties? That does not paint a very good picture.
I get poison ivy if my DOG goes outside. I’ve been bitten on the butt by a bad@$$ spider, been eyeball-to-eyeball with a huge owl in the next tree (and was sure it was going to attack me), been caught in a barbed-wire fence by the seat of my pants (from which a guide had to disengage me), had 83 porcupine quills stuck in my head, and probably 100 experiences so bad I’m repressing them. So if you squat in poison ivy while you’re tinkling by the tree, I’ll just think of you as one of the girls.
hahahaha you crack me up.
I’ve tinkled in the woods, and that wasn’t too bad of an experience. The only problem was that I got lost getting back to the boat and my Dad had to send the dog to find me.
I’ve also thrown a rock at a skunk I thought was a raccoon, almost stepped on a snake and ran home screaming like a little girl (in my defense I was a little girl at the time) and gotten sunburned so bad I got blisters.
From what Sherry says, I’ve barely scratched the surface of what could happen to me. I’m not sure I find that comforting.
Tonya, you and that squirrel crack me up!
Arthur, it doesn’t does it.
Sherry, OMG OMG OMG. That is all I have to say.
Maggie, lol
Kristine, Not sure many can top Sherry.
duck hunting is where I’ve had most of my unpleasant outdoor experiences – I’ve fallen out of the boat, out of the blind, into knee deep mud, into waist deep icy water and had the dog pee on my gear bag right after he finished stealing our sandwiches… that day I almost told the guys I was waiting for them in the truck!
Jody – since I am not an outdoors woman, in fact I’m not a woman at all, I asked my wife what she thinks about you. This is her reply, “She sounds like the only sane one in the group.” Spoken from one toenail painter to another.
How can I get my fiancee in the woods!? Shes a city girl and I’m a backwoods guy?
These fears are exactly why I stand in the doorway and wave bye bye to MY hunter husband and dog.