Thanksgiving Family Rules 2009

Thanksgiving Family Rules…

1. Shoes off please. So be sure to wear socks without holes.
2. No reaching around me to just have a “pinch” of something. It’s rude and I didn’t see you wash your hands. Nor does it end up being a pinch. It normally ends up being a whole serving.
3. If your Mom didn’t come because she’s mad at me again, I hope you brought her taco salad. If not, someone will take you home to get it. Be sure to tell your Mom you will be forced to take the first bite.
4. Don’t blame me if the mashed potatoes are a bit lumpy. “Mad sister” in charge of mashing potatoes didn’t show. Blame her.
5. To my other sister – It’s not alright to sing, “Taco, burrito, what you got hanging out your speedo” in front of kids.
6. Can we go one holiday without crying? Thanks. You know who you are.
7. Please bring a sweater. If you tell me it’s cold I will tell you this – while you slept in today in your nice warm bed and all you had to do was bring chips and pop, I was here breaking a sweat cooking your 10 course meal.
8. My dog is not a cat. Please don’t throw him across the room thinking he’s a cat.
9. Yes my hair is a bit darker since the last time you saw me. The winter weather makes it that way.
10. If you kick, bite or pull my dogs hair, I will do the same to you. And if my dog, who never bites, bites, it’s your fault.
11. There is no running around the house. If your kid slips and falls on the hard wood floor, I’m sorry. Your kids shouldn’t be running around the house.
12. Isn’t it polite to bring the host a gift? I’ve been cooking for you people for almost 20 years.
13. Jer (my sister) if you slip and fall on the hard wood floor, I’m sorry but we’ll laugh. Oh and if by accident you somehow fall down the basement stairs again, for the love of depends, bring some clean underwear.
14. And Mark, it’s not alright to say you are going to the bathroom and sneak off to bed. Not only can we hear you snoring but that trick is getting old.
15. Please make sure your kids do not drink out of my cup. That’s all that needs to be said.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving all!!!