Haley at The Beacon left me the following comment yesterday: What would it take to get you out hunting with your husband? A deer stand set up along the beach in Cancun?
I’m always asking my husband questions. How things work, how to do things around the house, or how to work an irrigation system. So I know if my husband ever took me deer hunting, the chick that doesn’t hunt, this would be our experience;
Do I have to wear camouflage?
I am NOT putting that spray-ie stuff on me nor am I using deer urine.
I didn’t know I wasn’t suppose to wear perfume.
How soon before we get to the woods?
I have to walk through there?
How far is your tree stand from here?
Is there poison oak or ivy out here?
What if I step on a snake? For the love of deer, I’ll have an attack.
Are there bears out here?
Will your stand hold all 110 lbs of me?
Is it possible to fall out of the stand?
What if I lied about my weight? I’m just saying.
What if I want to stretch my legs?
Something is making me itch.
Can a tick fall on my head?
I feel something in my hair.
I heard a noise.
Can I blow the grunt thingymajigger?
I hope this thingymajigger has been washed?
I have to tinkle.
For the love of deer, I broke a fingernail.
I’m hungry.
Do you have something other than jerky sticks?
Are you sure this deer stand won’t fall to the ground?
How is it hooked to the tree?
I think something bit me.
What if it starts raining?
Are you sure this MT050809067989 water-proof, breathable, dry plus laminate, mesh linear, blaze extreme, quiet pack, gore-tec, scent-lok, fleece dry plus, silent pro, buck skin deluxe, insulated zip-up parka will keep me warm and dry?
Are there other hunters out here?
Are you sure it’s safe out here?
Was I suppose to wear orange?
How soon before we see a deer?
How soon?
WHAT? I came out here and we might not? For the &*(*&^ of deer.
Is that a doe or a buck?
OMG don’t shoot!!!!
If you shoot I’ll never talk to you again.
Take me home right now.
Can you take my picture so I have proof I was here?
Wait I need my lip liner. I think it’s in the inside of the pocket of my blah blah parka. Oh for the love of deer, I think it fell out when I almost fell out of the tree stand.
Hmm…Cancun or hunting? I think my hunter and I would both agree.
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Wow. I’m thinking we know what your hunter would pick too. That was a long line of questioning……kind of like we were down at the police department.
I think my favorite part was the part about the parka. That was good stuff.
Arthurs last blog post..Outdoor Intentions-Raising My Kids in the Outdoors
O.k., that made me laugh so hard I cried.
Wonderful post Jody. I think I would pay money to witness that conversation.
Kristine Shreves last blog post..Community Wednesday 8/13/08
OMG…I can see it happening just like that except the tree stand holding all 110 lbs of you????? Who are you kidding…LOL
I wonder if that is why my husband started putting me in my own tree stand on a different deer trail than his….
Blesseds last blog post..9 Years
Seriously – tears coming down my cheeks right now. That was funny – and then this line came
“Are you sure this MT050809067989 water-proof, breathable, dry plus laminate, mesh linear, blaze extreme, quiet pack, gore-tec, scent-lok, fleece dry plus, silent pro, buck skin deluxe, insulated zip-up parka will keep me warm and dry?”
I couldn’t take it anymore and just about fell out of my chair! You’re just dang funny, Jody!
Tom Sorensons last blog post..A Lucky Man
You had me laughing out loud with this one. I feel like we’ve had a tiny peek into the internal monologue inside your head, and I’m scared.
(And totally jealous about the 110 pounds thing.)
Yes 110 lbs! Just ask my sister.
Ok, I thought the 110lbs thing was funny too. NOT that you don’t look it because you still are skinny. I thought Jer’s comment was funny! I knew that someone in your family would bust you out on that one!
Ok Sue, thanks for being my BFF.
We may be cut from the same cloth after all
I often tell Grizz if it weren’t cold, or early in the morning, or dark, or wet, and if I could get up and move around and have a bathroom, and……..
I might be interested LOL
markys last blog post..Fro Me to You
Hmmm, Cancun ,huh? Best wishes for your trip.
Loved the post! Envious of the tree stand.
CDGardenss last blog post..Geese In The Mist
OMG, that was hysterical.
No, really, hysterical.
How long did it take you to write that?
How long?
Did the tree stand fall?
If so, how far?
What about the tick, you never said whether you DID get a tick?
Did you ever go tinkle?
Where?
What kind of perfume was it?
Did it rain?
Did the MT050809067989 water-proof, breathable, dry plus laminate, mesh linear, blaze extreme, quiet pack, gore-tec, scent-lok, fleece dry plus, silent pro, buck skin deluxe, insulated zip-up parka will keep you warm and dry?
Was it blaze orange?
Did the Hunter shoot the deer?
How big was it?
How big?
He’s lying.
What color was the lip liner?
Did it clash with the camo?
Big props on a wonderful post.
Jon, lol. I might have to post that.
What can I say, you gave me great material to work with!
If you had said “Wow, honey, it’s REALLY dark out here. What if I trip and fall? Will you carry me back? Can an ambulance get back here?”, I would have sworn you and I were sisters from another mother!! THIS is why I shoot pistol matches with my hubby and why I don’t hunt with him…I did all the stuff you listed, and climb up into a 27′ high treestand (literally thought I was going to get a nosebleed), then realize I have to tinkle, practically freeze to death (okay, it was in the high 40s, but we are delicate flowers!), and didn’t see anything. We get down, walk back to our cabin, and as I decide to wash up a few dishes from breakfast, look out the kitchen window over the food plot at the end of the field, what comes walking out? A buck and 2 does… Thank you, I’ll do dishes and spot deer through the kitchen window. : )
THAT, was funny!
ALbert
I love reading your blog. It makes me laugh because I used to be you. You have a gift of explaining situations perfectly. Not every woman has the desire to hunt, but that is okay. Thanks for brightening my days