To Tinkle In The Woods I’ll Go

If you’ve been reading my blog for any amount of time you’ve probably come across a comment or two I’ve made about never tinkling in the woods.  I’m not that kind of outdoors girl.  A squirrel might see me.  But after an incident at the marina last week, well, um, lets just say I’d rather a squirrel saw me.

It was a very hot week of fishing.  85 degrees hot. Being on a boat in the middle of the lake with the sun beating down on you feels like 95 degrees.  Without making a move, you’ve already worked up a good sweat.  Which means your clothes are wet and stuck to you.

My husband decided he needed more minnows so we headed to Eddy Creek Marina.  We pulled up at the dock and I decided I better use the ladies room.  So I pranced across the dock and up the pier to the restaurant wishing everyone a good morning along the way.

On my way out, I wished more fellow anglers and marina workers a good morning and climbed back into the boat.  As we pulled away I noticed several workers going about their business on the dock, people having coffee on the upper level of the marina restaurant and I thought about the people that had a beautiful view to the water while dining in the restaurant.

We finally made our way to a brush pile with our fresh minnows and my boat duties kicked in.  I bent over and dropped the anchor in the water.  I bent over and set the minnows out for easy access.  I bent over and handed my husband a minnow.  And I bent over,  grabbed my pole and started fishing while standing.

A short time later, another boat anchored behind us to fish a separate brush pile.  We made small talk with the older couple and then I went about my fishing business.  Bending over to get a minnow, bending over to pick up my minnow I dropped and bending over to pick up my squirmy little minnow again.  After about an hour, our elder friends left.

You know when it’s 85 degrees out, your clothes are stuck to you, you’re swatting bugs in fear of getting bit and you start itching?  Well I was all over the boat swatting and itching when I felt something biting the back of my leg.  I turned my body to give the back of my leg a good itch when I noticed it.

You know when you’re the girl that doesn’t tinkle in the woods and is in fear of bathroom germs so you cover the toilet like you’re wallpapering the thing in case your squat fails?

You know when it’s 85 degrees and your ass is as sticky as wallpaper?

And your squat failed for that brief second just long enough for a 5 feet long piece of toilet paper to stick to your ass.

You know when you bend over 100 times in a boat and you’re husband never notices that you have  5 feet of toilet paper hanging out your sticky wallpapering ass?

You know when you’re on a boat and an older couple is fishing behind you and they never once said, “Excuse me hon, but I think you have something hanging out your panties?”

You know when you’re sitting there having flash backs of where it happened, when it happened, and for the love of prancing across the marina like you’re super TP girl, who in the world saw you?

Oh help me.

And then you do what every wife would do after sitting on a boat with their husband for 12 hours a day…

“Mark? Grr Mark.  Grr.  As many times as I bend over in this stupid boat, how did you not see 5 feet of toilet paper hanging down to my ankle?”  I went on and on.  Blah blah blah.  Guys at the marina saw me.  Other anglers saw me.  Blah blah blah.  OMG blah blah blah.  I don’t even know what I was rambling but it was a good wife ramble for a good 15 minutes.

And all he had to say was, “Jody,  I was fishing.”

I am never using the marina bathroom again.

Mariana worker:  Where you going?

TP super girl:  To use the ladies room.

Mariana worker:  It’s that way.

TP super girl:  Oh no it’s not.  It’s behind tree number 3.

Have a good day all … to tinkle in the woods I’ll go.

Tagged as: boat docks, Fishing, hot, mariana, minnows, outdoor humor