No humor today, I’m writing from my heart …
Over the past few years it seems everywhere you turn another company has turned pink and is raising money for breast cancer awareness and research. I’d like to share with you why I’m not one of them and why I’ll never support these types of organizations.
I’ve known the word “breast cancer” since I was a little girl. My Grandma had her first breast removed in 1948 and the other in 1958. Yes, that long ago. I did a breast cancer walk once in her honor because I thought, like most people think, I was doing a good thing helping support others battling breast cancer. It wasn’t until a couple of people very dear to me were also diagnosed that I realized this is not how I choose to support either of them or the cause.
My friend Kim fought breast cancer for almost 7 years and passed in 2008 leaving behind 3 little girls. It was absolutely heartbreaking. A few months after her death I contacted several breast cancer organizations asking if they provided any support or financial aid for kids that just lost a parent. Sadly, I couldn’t find one organization that would provide help for these kids or possibly a scholarship in their mother’s honor. With the millions of dollars raised within some of these organizations, it was disappointing.
A few years ago my sister-in-law found a lump on her breast. She went through hell and would often dream of throwing up cement. This was her reality. And the reality of living with breast cancer. On your deathbed sick. With no hair. She had many struggles even after chemo. Two years later she was diagnosed with Leukemia that almost took her life. Thankfully she is in remission but continues to struggle everyday from all she’s battled. With scars and wounds that may never heal. Inside and out. But overall, she is doing wonderful and we couldn’t be more grateful.
And I can’t leave out my friend Gretchen, who has recently shared her own personal battle on her blog ~ read it ~ Alive is Enough and Owls, Orchids, and the Outdoor Sisterhood.
So when I see organizations asking to help raise money and join their walk, no thank you. Do your research and see where the majority of their money goes.
When I see sayings like “save the ta-ta’s or boobies” I’m sorry, it isn’t cute. It’s not funny. This is life and sadly, for some, death.
When I see organizations promoting sexy women when trying to bring attention to their organization, do you really think a women scarred wants anything to do with an organization whose focus is a spokesperson with a great looking chest?
When I see photos from walks, I shake my head and wonder … is this a fundraising event or a frat party?
When I see organizations suing other organizations because of the use of the word cure or the color pink? Is this seriously happening?
I want no part of it.
I don’t need any organization spending money I might donate on “awareness”. Or telling me I should check myself for lumps. I grew up knowing this. My doctors provide me with this information. Families and parents should be sharing this with their daughters and sons. And sadly, and God I hope I’m wrong, I don’t see breast cancer research finding a cure in my lifetime. With the millions and billions of dollars over the past 10 years supposedly funneled to research already.
I’m not saying I don’t believe in research or bringing awareness to breast cancer. What I am saying is some of these organizations are so totally out of control and have lost touch with what is the true reality. We have kids in our country with no parent because their parent lost their battle to breast cancer. We have sick women at home not able to care for their families or themselves because of breast cancer. Not to mention how financially devastating it is for most.
This, this is the reality.
And why isn’t this our priority?
~ My wonderful Grandma ~ Diagnosed with breast cancer at age 39 ~
~ And lived until the age of 96 ~
~ My beautiful friend Kim ~ A wonderful soul who was an amazing Mother to 3 very precious girls ~
~ That is so very missed~
~ My sweet beautiful sister-in-law Darlene ~ Who I love dearly ~
~ And thank God the toughest of her battle has passed ~
~ My amazing beautiful friend Gretchen ~ And if you follow her on any social site ~
~ You will see how much she lives life and loves it ~
Photo by: Stacey Huston
It is because of them that I don’t need the color pink splattered all over God’s creation to remind me about breast cancer or make me “aware”.
When I think of breast cancer, I think of them. Their life. Their battle. Their courage. Their strength.
And I think of 3 little precious girls.
And this is who should be our priority.
If you know of any organization that directly supports families and kids affected by breast cancer, I would love to know about them if you could please list their link …
Because I will share the hell out it!
~
Thank you all,
Jody Narantic
~ And a special thank you to Ryliebug ~
Note: This is only my opinion. I know there are many women who feel strongly about supporting organizations and being around those that have gone through what they’ve gone through and if this is part of their survival and how they find strength … hugs to them! ~ Go where your heart leads you ~
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Thank you Jody. I have struggled for some time with this same issue. I have researched many different organizations that are for raising money for cancer research and been dissapointed in where the money is really going. I have lost both my parents and many other family members to cancer and would like to help raise money to find a cure. I am sure there are groups out there that are really putting the money they raise into research and I have faith that they will find a cure. I am guessing the reason they are so hard to find is because they are not spending so much money to promote themselves.
Jeff, hoping I find some of these organizations.
Jody, I fully agree with you. When I was 11 (almost 12 years ago) My grandma at age 80 was diagnosed with Breast Cancer and had her breast removed. I remember her coming home and she had the drain tube in her side, and she has never been one to complain or anything, that was the first time I have seen her cry. I bought the I heart boobies bracelets and a belt, but then I started looking into the different organizations as well. A lot of cancer research sadly, is like that. A couple of local kids here in Southern Oregon lost their battles to childhood cancer, and with nothing to help the families, they started foundations for the families effected by cancer. It scares me because cancer runs in my family, and I’ve seen many of my close friends and family watch their grandparents and a few parents go through hell. I’ve done the relay for life walks and different things, they have become a frat party and it’s sad. that’s not what it should be. I’m sure there is progress being made, but we don’t know about it, because the companies aren’t spending the research money on advertising and whatnot.
Jenna, with some of these walks, you’re not even able to signup without having a specific dollar amount up front. Will never understand. Nor will I understand the amount of followers. And I hate saying that but I don’t know how else to reference them. It really is so out of control.
Beautifully said, Jody.
My wife, who lost her mother to cancer 13 years ago, also has a hard time with all the pink ribbons. Like you, she knows people have the best intentions in supporting such efforts and organizations. But it’s not her way.
(She is also deeply skeptical, having read quite a bit about the politics of cancer and the financial connections among the manufacturers of carcinogenic pesticides, the manufacturers of mammogram machines, and the promoters of cancer awareness.)
Thank you for your heartfelt words and your love for all these women.
Tovar, I do believe people have the best intentions but for the life of me will never understand how some just have no clue.
I am in agreement with not supporting the entities who gain millions in donations towards cancer research…Why haven’t there been more successes for as long as pharmaceutical company research has been happening??? Not only in breast cancer, but all types of cancers in our babies,children, and adults of all ages….
CDGardens, so many pieces to the puzzle.
Jody – when your write from your heart it is every bit as wonderful as when you are writing from your funny bone
I applaud you for speaking up and speaking out about this. I also agree with you for those who choose to be very active in some of the organizations – good for you.. and if it helps you as a survivor..again good for you!!! Whatever it takes personally to get you through the day is what matters, I’m just one who happens to be in your camp on this 
Thank you too for your so very kind words .. I tried sitting in corner and feeling sorry for my self.. but after a couple of says. nah.. that was BORING.. love you my outdoor sister; She- Who- Hugs – Cute – Baby – Deer
Thank you Gretchen! You deserve every right to sit in a corner and feel sorry for yourself. But not for long. We wouldn’t let you.
This is a different, but valid perspective, Jody. And you’ve made a really strong case.
Personally, I’ve tended to shy away from any of these “benefit” organizations that have become huge marketing tools. While I haven’t done the research, my gut feeling is that once a movement expands beyond grass roots, it’s more about business and fund-raising than it is about whatever purported cause it may once have supported. Color me skeptical.
Keep at it, Jody. Change minds and hearts…
Phillip, I wish more people were as skeptical. And thank you!
What a GREAT posting. It makes my heart sad and my throat swell shut as I thing about how true this is. Over the years I have made my donations to various “cancer supporting” organizations. My father didn’t have insurance and was diagnoses with cancer a year ago. We turned to the societies and organizations for help. GUESS WHAT?! They offered NOTHING. Not even a reference of where he could go for help. Where did all my efforts, hard work and donations go I asked. They said “It goes to research”. Research I asked. What about the people who have it? Of all the organizations I have supported over the years, none offered anything to a man who already had cancer and didn’t have insurance. It breaks my heart to think we are giving thousands of dollars and nothing goes to the victims or families.
Mia, it breaks mine as well. And I wish there were more people doing their own research and would finally realize this just isn’t right.
What a wonderful Blog. Thanks so much for sharing a piece of your heart with us today.
Joan
Thank you Joan.
Why find a cure, when the researchers are making millions? They would be out of a job. I spend my money at the health food store. As a guy, sorry, no pink ribbons or t-shirts. Have a good one.
R Hill, thanks for the comment. As I said above, so many pieces to the puzzle.
Absolutely beautiful Jody! So happy you posted this. xoxo
Thanks Angie.
Good job Jody and I too am in agreement with you. Having watched my dad suffer with lymphoma for many years and pass when I was 17 left an indelible mark on my life. Through out the years of my life I have become somewhat cynical of fundraisers motives and lack of results. With the mega millions donated to “Find a Cure” I too believe it is about the bottom line and less about supporting those in the fight and their families. Thank you for a wonderful heartfelt and honest post.
Thank you Terry. What a hard age to lose a parent. Whether it’s the bottom line or just stepping back and realizing there are so many more in need that are currently suffering. My gosh. Breaks my heart we overlook them with the millions raised.
This was a wonderful post, Jody, and I believe you’ve truly opened my eyes, as well as others.
And…I know this is a humor blog….but I wouldn’t wind reading a few more posts of this nature from you:)
Thank you Arthur but I’m serious enough between the hours of 8-5.
Jody, you have such a way of easing your slipstream-of-thinking into our consciousness.
But this morning…
It’s not the gentle brush of an outdoor dream; fly in mid cast; flutter of wings around the feeder, nor humorous tale to ease us through the day…
Nope. Not THIS morning.
Today we have been greeted with the mind-numbing roar of an F4 Phantom -flat-out- 75 feet overhead – at Mach I… !!!
What we didn’t see coming, was the Light Up! With the stealth weaponry of an F22 Raptor, you’ve delivered a definite …Shock and Horror Roll … ’tis quite effective for getting our attention!
Hallelujah! Glad to hear-it, have-it ‘n hearing you say-it !!!
Not glad – in the sense of anything happy/humor/or fun. No ma’am! But, glad to hear honesty, openly stated from the rawness of your loss, your pain and the pain of others so dear and close to you – and your own love for those suffering.
I am very GLAD to see you have added your most-interesting-and-affecting voice to the chorus of the few sane others willing to go public with their disdain for the underbelly of corporate greed and corruption that is the Cancer Research MegaCorpMindset.
I also acknowledge – as you did – there are ***extremely dedicated*** ‘believers’ who work tirelessly searching for ‘The Cure’; others who strive to educate a mostly disinterested-until-it’s-their-light-that’s-on public, with the fervor of an evangelist; others who donate huge amounts of their time and lives to raise money or those who DO serve -at the ‘Front Lines of Cancer Destruction’ – as support teams for family members of fallen victims of the ‘BigC’.
All of them working their lives into a past – they will look back on believing in their hearts – they did ‘good’. And truly, FOR THEM — and those whom they have touched, they DID DO GOOD. And Good On Them for their efforts. THEY actually made (MAKE!) a difference.
We need MORE of this hands-on effort. The DIRECT human interface with those who suffer from the entire gauntlet of a ‘race with death’ that cancer pushes on each person it touches: with or without the killer cells in their own system.
Cancer kills far more than the person who dies with the disease eating them alive. FAR MORE!
But – in the overall scheme of the ‘Cancer MegaCorpMindset’ – these ‘good-bringing and serving people’ simply do NOT exist. I know… I’ve been into the belly-of-the-beast and I know how it works. Your are smart to be skeptical. I could write a book, but …
Besides it not having any effect whatsoever in actually bringing even a minutia-level of the much needed change to the ‘System’… I, too, would most likely end up with the same fate as the person who could accidentally find the ‘Cure for the BigC’… a blank-spot on the timeline of life.
Is there anyone alive – who, with even the smallest amount of open-eyed-discovery, has looked into the smallest of superficial events of such ‘MegaCorpMindsets’ … who could possibly say, the ‘MegaCorp’ would — ALLOW !! — a cure to be unveiled? At least until such an unveiling serves its own greed-induced-pleasure.
Why would it?
Something to consider:
How does cancer work?
What starts it?
What is the ‘goal’ of cancer; it’s end-point?
The base answers to these question are already well known .. and to some extent, well understood.
1) Cancer is – simply put – cells that have gone rogue (normal rules no longer apply) with a genetic directive to ‘take over and destroy’.
2) Any number of origins and activities give Cancer its start – but on the basic level – it’s a genetic level alteration of what the cells senses as ‘Good and Bad’ for the system that gets reversed.
3) The goal of Cancer is to GROW. Grow without ceasing. Endless growth. There’ a real problem with this goal, though. The end-point of this goal is that both the host and the cancer will die. Yes, the ultimate goal of cancer is to grow to the point is literally kills itself. Pretty insane directive isn’t it. But how can you assign such human traits of sanity or insanity to a virus? I don’t think one can.
However …
If we look at the ‘MegaCorpMindset’ – under the same questions we ask about Cancer …
I’ll let you do the analysis and come to your own conclusion. Mine does not have a happy ending. Maybe you’ll be better – at your analysis.
Some may call me cynical. That is your right and welcome to it. However, I’ve done the discovery – on a very deep level – into many more ‘MegaCorpMindsets’ than just those feeding at the coffers of the ‘BigC’. They are all the same; only the ‘feed source’ changes.
If you want to be a POSITIVE FORCE for those who are suffering or those who are the ‘remnants of the C-attack’, then reach out to them with love, care, concern on a personal level; even if you don’t know the person – their pain will be familiar and the love you give in return richly appreciated. You do NOT need an organized event, sponsored by some ‘we-need-your-help-to-raise-$$- BigCo’ to do this.
Just DO IT. Do it – if for no other reason than pure selfishness due to the stark realization that one day you, too will be in need. It’s far more successful, when you get close enough to the source, to “feel-their-pain”; in tears not just ‘good feelings’.
There’s so much more in the ‘healing process’ than most imagine: it’s a two-way activity; on-going; life-long.
And as you consider your personal involvement: Do so with this very sobering statistic embedded in your mind:
___ You and I both live with a greater than 85% chance of being IN THEIR SHOES before we reach the age of 50. For many of us – we’ve already ‘been there done that – living it’; others are on heavily leveraged time. ___
As I write this: here are my own personal stats:
- Mother died at 65 from ovarian cancer – most likely caused by ingestion of massive event herbicide use – one 2-day event, 4 years before her death.
- Uncle and Aunt (mom’s side) died from cancer; pancreatic and breast.
- Brother in ‘recovery’ (and waiting on the long-term effects of massive radiation and chemo to weigh in over the next 10 years!; good side, his PET was 100% clear; now he heals… hopes .. prays… waits …) from back-of-tongue cancer: self induced via use of smokeless tobacco (chew/snuff) for 40 years… thinking it wouldn’t ‘get him’… odds are not worth the risk … sad how we only see this once we are told to ‘pay up’…
- Too many good friends and close acquaintances to enumerate: in the past 18 months along – over 20! – pancreatic, breast and lymphatic top 3.
My numbers are more than enough to make up for those few who have yet to feel the bite of Cancer. And – most unfortunately – I know I am NOT alone. And THAT .. is the saddest part. Too many. Too many.
Thank you Jody for your courage and for your genuine slipstream into our consciousness. Sorry for the long reply. It’s been on my mind, too. You hit the lever. Guess it was on a hair-trigger. “. |
O’fieldstream, Where to begin with you. Whenever you leave a comment I read it over and over. I think, then think some more, and think again. I appreciate your thoughts and opinion and hopefully those that come to my blog, will read them all. I’ve felt this way for a very long time and this past year I’m thrilled to see more and more realizing exactly what’s happening.
Sending your brother much love and prayers. And to you as well!
Jody .. thanks for the best compliment I’ve had in many, many months! To know one’s posts make people THINK … is the best compliment possible. I am humbled; tickled, too. You should be feeling quite good about your post, as well. You really pushed… ‘er, STOMPED!! .. the “THIMK BUTTON” .. big time. Goody. Goody. GOODY! “. >
As you see, you are NOT alone in your expressed feelings. You will also find there are MANY who do not buy into the MegaCorpMindset, but most DO keep quiet; except for those trusted elements within their own tight circles-of-comfort.
Here’s ONE reality: People are afraid to step-up and speak their mind, because they don’t want to be labeled: Different. However, it’s Being Different that makes the greatest strides into uncharted territory. Sure it has its risks, but .. those who bear the risks, share in the greatest rewards. So .. what’s so wrong with DIFFERENT.. eh?
Here’s a 2ND reality:For the most part, those who do ‘speak-out’, should remain seated. They have agendas and/or are just crack-pot rachet-jaws; evidencing they access a deprived brain activity, when it comes to what they say. This embarrassing and chaotic disconnect only adds to the ‘lock-jaw’ condition felt by many who actually _DO_ have something worthwhile to say.
Here’s the OTHER reality: *IF*… you truly believe in something, it WILL come out. Then*IF*… it is a Good Thing .. it will find traction and spread.. allowing others of like mind.. to see they have ‘comfort’ in areas they didn’t realize before. Then a really magical process begins. It’s called CHANGE.
More often-than-not, the greatest CHANGE AGENTS are simply people, who stepped up to the plate and swung. Their swing though is special: it is pure, honest, simple .. integrity of purpose. They have no agenda, they simply speak the truth. It may be ‘truth as they see it’. It may need refining. But *IF*…
___ a) the person making the ‘swing’ acts with the attitude: IT IS NOT ABOUT THEM –
___ b) it is CHANGE that is needed in a greater circle for the greater good –
IT WILL HAPPEN.
So – next time you feel the urge to swing: the PLATE is waiting. You’ve just proven you have the makings of a serious: CHANGE AGENT. And that Jody, is a Special Thing.
Really Special!! ” : )
O’fieldstream, I hope everyone that comes to my blog reads every word you’ve shared. Thank you for taking the time and sharing your thoughts, observations, and opinion. It is truly appreciated. And I’m in total agreement. And thank you for the compliment.
Jody,
So well said, and very touching. The “Save 2nd Base” etc shirts drive me crazy. Breast Cancer isn’t sexy, so don’t try to make it sound like it is.
Glynn, shocking I haven’t heard of the 2nd base shirts. How is this acceptable? Really. Over and over I think to myself for F’s sakes people are you this stupid? (Stupid people make me use bad words.)
<3 no words.
<3
Just…beautiful, thank you.
Thank you, Jodi.
A heartfelt and wonderful post, to remind so many of us that we are all connected. I cry in sympathy for your losses, Jody, and for the losses of all these people commenting. Some of us don’t know each other, but we are painfully familiar with each others tragedies. ( I lost my mother many years ago, and just a few weeks ago a friend, much to young to go). My utmost respect for you, for making a statement and making it loud. And no, some won’t agree with you, and that is ok. But perhaps this post will ignite a spark and inspire someone to find an organization designed to truly help, or better yet create one. Then we can all use our voices and common bonds to spread the word. Thank you Jody, for giving us all something to think about. .
Kelle, I love this. And so true we are all so painfully familiar with each others tragedies. I hope those that come to read not only hear what I’ve said but what all of you have said as well and realize something needs to change.
Jody you are my inspiration..! That was absolutely wonderful! I’m speechless! You know how hard it is for me to be quiet! Lol but I love this blog and you changed my mind about all those bracletes and everything! Good job! It was amazing! Love you<3
Carrie, love you too!
And thank you!!!
So eloquently expressed. I think many of us have cringed at the “I heart boobies” campaign but unsure why. Thank you for putting it into words. As for a charity that puts every dollar to great use, check out Kids’s Kids.
Christine, thank you and I will look into Kid’s Kids.
Damn, Jody, I love you. You are awesome for saying this.
Holly, I love you for saying that. lol
Eloquently put & you are soooo spot on! My mom who lost her sister & is a 2 time survivor herself abhors these organizations as they don’t really help the individual/families in need. Doesn’t want to be labeled or be used for commercial purposes. Wants respect & a damn cure—plain & simple.
Thanks for writing Jody–thats “supporting” in its finest:)
Lisa, these women, and men, deserve our respect. Wishing all will be well with your Mom.
This is how a cure will be found!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/15/angela-zhang-high-school-_n_1207177.html
Karen, interesting. Thank you for sharing.
Jody,
Being a hunter, your site name kind of peaked my interest. The thing I noticed first when I landed on your site was this post title. The title was pretty compelling…why wouldn’t a women support breast cancer awareness? I had to get to the bottom of that one! You have a very interesting point of view on this and the fact that you contacted numerous organizations that had no help to offer your friend’s children was an eye opener. So, just where do all their contributions go?
Your advise to all your of your readers to do their own research before contributing to one of these organizations applies to all charities. Well written and great advise.
Larry S.
Thank you Larry!
You are awesome Jody! – love this post and the direct way you lay out the trouble with so many of these organizations.
Jenn, so glad to see you back! And thank you!
I love this:
When I see sayings like “save the ta-ta’s or boobies” I’m sorry, it isn’t cute. It’s not funny. This is life and sadly, for some, death.
What I really resent is when they want to “save the ta-ta’s” it’s incredibly misguided. Women with breast cancer often have mastectomies. Fuck the ta-ta’s how about saving women?
Hi Jody!
I just stumbled across your blog and noticed this article. It drew my attention because my wife is a breast cancer survivor. She spent her 32nd birthday in a 12-hour mastectomy surgery. Her ensuing chemo sessions and overall recovery process was brutal. Because she had been employed at her job for a short time when she had her surgery, she had to return to work even before the drains could be removed. Her compassion for those impacted is immeasurable.
About 10 years ago, she decided that she wanted to participate in the 60-mile cancer walk. She spent countless hours in raising money and training for the walk. She raised over twice the minimum required amount and participated in the walk. The emotional energy she spent in trying to make a difference far surpassed the physical energy spent. There was a genuine euphoric feeling she experienced on the last day, arriving at the finish along with the other walkers. There was a real feeling of contribution.
Sometime after, my wife did a little research to see what percentage of the proceeds went to actual research. The answer left her disillusioned and a bit angry. Most of the proceeds went toward putting on the event. Organizers, food, medical staff, security, all the same things that would go into putting on a rock concert. It’s my opinion that this event served as PR and advertising. It was a big news event. That’s free advertising. While anyone has a right to put on an event like this, it’s not how my wife wanted to invest in the problem. Not after all she had gone through.
While there are those who would say, “Well, it’s all HER fault. She should have done her research BEFORE the event”, and to some degree they may have a point, there is no denying that there is a huge difference between the percentage of the money that actually goes toward research and the impression participants are given as to their financial impact on eventually helping cancer patients. She would much more desire that the full amount of the money she raised had gone for research rather than to “pay for the pageantry”. We were guilty of blindly trusting and making assumptions about the compatibility of the organization’s goals and ours. We’re not “awareness people”. We want to see results achieved. Pink ribbons are not evidence that you care more than others.
We learned our lesson. Thanks for sharing, Jody!