The Best Candle Ever – WoodWick Candles

Paid advertisement if purchasesd

I burn candles a lot and the WoodWick candle has been my favorite since I first saw them years ago.  They smell wonderful!!! They burn a long time, they burn evenly, and they crackle like a fireplace when they burn.

I have them all over my house and they make for a great gift.

Love these candles ~

WoodWick Fireside Scent has always been my favorite:

But the WoodWick Birchwood is currently my favorite:

They do have many scents to choose from but these 2 have been my favorite so far.

Try them – You will love them!

Just click on the candle and it will take you to purchase.

Have a great day all!

 

The Real Signs of Menopause

This post is rated:
R-MC = Rated R for Men and Children whom probably shouldn’t read.
R-WM = Rated R for Women of Menopause whom should relate.

Menopause Woman

After reading article after article about menopause I can’t help but think who writes this stuff? Have they seriously gone through menopause? They couldn’t have.  Are they 20?  Having a bit of a hot flash and possibly a little drip of a night sweat doesn’t compare to  … Turn the damn heat down before I melt like the wicked witch of the west.  And if you don’t stop talking, I’ll put a curse on you. And if you even think you might hike your leg over me tonight, I will knock you out of bed.

For most of us, this is what menopause really feels like:

The Sympathy and Irritability:
Reaching out to those you love for sympathy and then wanting to rip their hair out and whip a toaster at them.

To my girlfriends: I think I’m going through menopause.
My girlfriends: We’re not. You (we) are too young for that.
I hate my girlfriends: Well, something has possessed me.

To my mother: I think I’m going through menopause. Did you ever get really horrible hot flashes and night sweats. And want to rip people’s hair out?
My mother: I don’t think I ever had menopause. I never had hot flashes, night sweats, or acted like that. You are too pretty to act like that. Be nice to people. If you can’t say something nice you shouldn’t say anything at all.
I hate my adopted mother: Blah blah blah. I knew I was adopted. And I hope your scanner doesn’t work tonight. Poor Paul 8.

Crossing paths with those you work with or people in general:

Please stop talking.
I wish I had a voodoo doll.
To chop your hair off.
And stab stab stab with the poke of a sewing needle.
And you still haven’t shut your trap.
I wish I had a candy bar.
And a cocktail.

That’s what you think while they’re talking.

Not sure why I thought my husband would show me any sympathy:

The Husband: Jody, why are you crying?
I burnt my toast.
The Husband: Jody, you really need to go to the doctor about all “that”.

All … That?!?!?!

Mark, you really need to get out of this kitchen before I throw this *(&*^&*^ toaster at you.

And after beating the toaster with your butter knife and whipping it in the garbage, you think …
Ummm …
Maybe …
I think I might need to go to the doctor.
And will need a new toaster.

The Doctor: You’re a little young to be going through menopause.
Umm, yea. Let me rip your hair out and we can confirm I’m menopausingly possessed. (Menopausingly isn’t a word but it is to an angry menopausal woman)

(1)  Prescription for Jody who needs to calm her ass down!

Changes in Menstrual Cycle and Forgetfulness:
What’s the first thing you do? Talk to your girlfriends.

Girlfriends: I just started again. When will this be over?
Possessed Me: I haven’t had one in 4 months. I’ve been waiting for this huge day letting me know it’s over like … The devil has been released … And I have these convulsions. Reeking of garlic. But nothing.
Girlfriends: OMG you better take a pregnancy test.
Possessed Me: I’m pretty sure my eggs are broken. And I can’t remember anything anymore so I don’t know if I had sex since then or not. And who would want to have sex with someone holding a butter knife wanting to beat the holy heck out of a toaster.

Body Changes and Mood Swings:
Because we’re not 20 something anymore.

Just when you’re feeling good about yourself: Good hair day, skin looks pretty and fresh, boobs are feeling nice and perky …

I’m so gonna rock this short skirt tonight and drop it like it’s hot. As long as I don’t bend over – Dropping it like it’s hot might lead to someone seeing my juicy couture. Because I probably won’t have on panties.

You can’t drop it like it’s hot in granny panties.

But in just a matter of hours … and after your afternoon nap … because you needed to change your attitude … and because that’s all you have the energy for unless you’re going out to drop it like it’s hot … your menopausal body has reminded you …

Girl, you so won’t be dropping it like it’s hot tonight.

I have a pimple.
And now my boobs have dropped.
Saggy 40 year old boobs.
Wrinkles.
And more wrinkles.
And it looks like I haven’t dyed my hair in weeks.
And I look 9 months pregnant.
From eating a carrot.
And I’m so not taking my 10th negative pregnancy test this month.
I seriously look and feel 90 years old.
A 90 year old trying to drop it like it’s hot –
While pregnant.

The only thing I’ll be dropping like it’s hot tonight is a greasy piece of pizza on my paper plate while hanging out in my granny panties and my moo moo. Alone. Because who in the hell would want to be near me. And my voodoo dolls.

Have a great day all! Or don’t.

I Don’t Know Why Thelma Takes Me Shopping

I have a friend I call Thelma. Thelma is a shopper and I don’t know why she would ever want to go shopping with me again.

Shopping

Because …

Thelma: I love this dress.
Me: Thelma, that looks like Grandma’s lacy tablecloth.

Thelma: This shirt is really cute.
Me: Thelma, that looks like Aunt Bertha’s rose pattern curtains. That matches her sofa. Go put that back!

Thelma: I love this little black dress.
Me: Thelma, why do you always have to buy black? You’re not going to a funeral. And you already have 50 little black – no occasion to go to – dresses in your closet. With the tags still on them.

Thelma: I love ..
Me: Thelma, put that down.

And when I bring my sister along with us shopping …

She rides around the store yelling …

Thelma, Thelma … Help Me!

Sister

And then they giggle and I’m all …

Me: Please stop you two! We are so going for cocktails after this. And I don’t care if it’s only 8 a.m.

So off to another store we went and then I’m all …

Me: OMG Thelma I am so buying this!!!

Disco pole

And then Thelma is all …

Thelma: DO IT! DO IT LOUSIE!

Because she’s nicer like that.

On to another store …

Me: No, Thelma.

After an hour or so of shopping, there I stood at the counter, with a smile on my face, buying all my cute things Thelma loved. But then as I looked over at Thelma, there she stood with a little ugly wallet she was about to buy that I think she was trying to hide from me …

So with the look of death, I look down at the U.G.L.Y. wallet and then I look up at Thelma and I said …

Me: OMG Thelma! Go put that back right now. That is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen. You are not buying that wallet. Put that back. U.G.L.Y.

And then …

Thelma: Louise, that’s MY wallet. That I’ve had for over a year.

Have a good day all!

I promise to never ever tell Thelma she can’t buy Grandma’s tablecloth rose pattern curtain dress ever again.
I’ll just let her look ugly in her new ugly outfit. With her ugly wallet.
While I’m hanging upside down on my new disco pole wondering how I’ll ever get down.

~ Personal Humor Blog ~